Who Are You Trying Please?

My father used to say “Since you can’t please everyone, you might as well please yourself.”  I remember he and my mom would throw parties for over forty people and they always heard back negative comments about the food or drink. He had learned, the hard way, that no matter what you do, there’s always someone who complains. Even if fifty people are happy with your actions, there will still be that one you can never please. That was long before the song “Garden Party” by Ricky Nelson came out which says the same thing. Very wise advice.  However, I didn’t take it.

Like so many others, I spent much of my life being a people pleaser. The rationalization was that if I was nice, they would like me, be my friend and that would prove to the world what a good person I was.

The problem with this belief system is, when we spend so much effort doing what make others happy at the expense of what make us happy we end up with a very unsatisfying, unfulfilled and not to mention, unhappy life.

I was miserable, but VERY VERY nice. I was careful never to offend anyone by disagreeing with them, sharing my point of view or insisting we go someplace I preferred. No rocking the boat for me. I might fall out and then I’d be all alone.

As I achieved more and more personal growth, the realization came to me that I was going about things backwards. How could I bring any joy or happiness to anyone else’s life if I wasn’t happy? So, I changed my mind, deciding my happiness was the most important thing and from this joy, I would enhance the life of those around me. It worked, my life began to change for the better and now it’s filled with people I love, a career I’m passionate about and so much joy.

As we wind down to the end of 2011, I encourage you to set aside some time and think about what makes YOU happy.

1. Note two or three thing you’ve always wanted to do, but never made time for.
2. Ponder what you really enjoy doing, that you’ve put aside.
3. Notice how many things or activities you’re involved in that you don’t really ejoy at all.
4. Make a plan to purposefully go after what make you happy in 2012.

May your holidays be wonderful and filled with unending blessings.

I specialize in helping people bring the joy back into their lives. If you’d like more information please visit my website.

Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
Certified Professional Coach
mari@lifecoachmari.com
http://lifecoachmari.com/ 

Enjoy your own Joyful Life

“We’re so busy imposing our preferences on other people, instead of just letting them be them and enjoy their life the way they want to, that we miss our own joyful life.” Abraham-Hicks

I’m still guilty of trying to tell other people what to do and how to do it. (Much less so than I used to be, but non-the-less, guilty.)

This phrase reminds me that keeping the focus on yourself is necessary for joy to flow in your life. When you spend time insisting people do things your way, you’re inviting negativity and bad feelings to come into your life. Nobody wants to be told what to do. Nobody. You are also using energy that could be spent on creating the life you want.

When you take the focus off everybody else and put it on yourself, you can truly enjoy your own life. You now have time to acknowledge how blessed you really are, how much your loved ones enhance your life and to ponder what it is you want in your life and how to work towards it.

Actions Steps

1.      Set aside some time to think about who you’re trying to push your preferences on and write their names on a list.

2.      See each one as an individual who had their own preferences that may not match your own

3.      Take each person you wrote down and list every good quality they possess.

4.      Write down every way they bring joy to your life.

5.      Decide to free yourself from telling them what to do.

6.      Keep the focus on you by asking yourself what it is you want.

7.      When you’re tempted to tell others what to do, remind yourself that they are very capable, just like you are, of handling their own life.

To kick your joy up a notch, watch this video my friend Jodi shared with me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9z2ELaBVJY&sns=em

Have a great and joyful day,

Mari

Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
Certified Professional Coach
mari@lifecoachmari.com
http://lifecoachmari.com/

Thank Heaven for LIttle Girls (They become beautiful loving young women)

A couple of days ago I came home to find a "Surprise" on my kitchen counter. There was a beautiful poinsettia on the counter with a note from my daughter Julianne that said: "Just a reminder that I appreciate everything you do for me. I love you!" Well, it made my day. What she didn't know was that I had been wanting a poinsettia plant to put in our front entrance. We placed it by the front door and since I can see it from the kitchen window I smile and feel grateful everytime I see it from the kitchen.

Yesterday I was driving home and a Michael Buble Christmas song started playing on the radio. That reminded me that he had a new Christmas Album out and I thought to myself “It would be nice to have that new album. Maybe I’ll put it on my Christmas list.” Then I forgot about it.
Last night we were putting up the Christmas tree and in the middle of decorating my oldest daughter Christina came into the room and pulled a cd out of a bag. She had brought me the Buble CD as a stocking stuffer, but decided to give it to me last night so I could enjoy it before Christmas. She didn't even know I wanted it!

Each of these wonderful surprises sent my vibration through the roof! And it stayed there the remainder of both days.

And, when I think them today, it still fills me with joy.

I am so thankful for my wonderful daughters and I've ever grateful for all the wnderful little things that come into my life!

I hope that today you will enjoy all the little blessings in your life also.

Mari

Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
Certified Professional Coach
954 243-7297

mari@lifecoachmari.com
http://lifecoachmari.com/

Getting up on the RIGHT Side of the Bed

How many times have you heard someone say “I got up on the wrong side of the bed.” Or maybe you yourself use this phrase. I looked up the definition and here it is: To feel irritable; to be in a bad mood; to have a bad day from the start, for no particular reason.    

For no particular reason is what strikes me in this phrase. Things begin to go wrong and sometimes continue to go wrong for the rest of the day. WHY? And Can we turn things around and make our day go well?

I believe we CAN.

Let’s say you wake up. The first thought that hits you is Uggh, it’s Monday, back to work. It’s going to be a bad day! You’ve already conditioned yourself to actually HAVE a BAD day. You’ve initiated it with your thought. You’ve invited it with your expectation. Therefore, you will get the day you predicted for yourself.

But, what if you wake up and the first thought that hits you is: Ahh, it’s Monday, It’s going to be a great day! Now you’ve conditioned yourself to actually HAVE a GOOD day. You’ve initiated it with your thought. You’ve invited it with your expectation. Therefore, you will get the day you predicted for yourself.

Which scenario do you want for yourself? 

But, you may say. Your suggestions are too simplistic. I KNOW I’m going to have a bad day and no amount of positive thoughts can change that.

I disagree.

Even if you wake up and you KNOW that this particular day will bring challenges, you can change your overall mood for the day by focusing on what’s good in your life upon waking up, even before you get out of bed.

The better your mood, the better your day will go. Think about this for a minute. If you’re in a very good mood isn’t it true that things don’t bother you as much? Isn’t it true that you might brush things off that other wise would really bother you?

What if you’re in a bad mood? Doesn’t EVERYTHING seem to bother you, from the smallest of inconveniences to the big stuff?

So, what does this have to do with getting out of the RIGHT side of the bed?

If you want your day to go as smoothly as possible take time before you get out of bed and reflect on all the good things that are currently in your life. Start with family and friends, your job, your house, car, other possessions, conveniences. Think of every GOOD THING. This should only take about 5 minutes. As you begin to think about how fortunate you are and feel gratitude for all of it your mood will be one of joy. 

What about the challenges you might face that day? Tell yourself, even before your feet hit the floor that your day will go well and you expect the best possible outcome for anything you face that day.

NOW get out of bed. You will be getting out of the RIGHT side of the bed because your attitude and focus will be one of gratitude and the goods things in your life.

I challenge you to try this for a week and see the great results in your life.

Be sure to email me with your good reports.

Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC

mari@lifecoachmari.com

http://lifecoachmari.com/

The Story of Your Life

How often have you heard someone tell you of something negative that happened and you responded with: “That’s the story of my life.” You knew what they went through, felt the same disappointment and re-lived your own negative experiences in that moment. That phrase is imbued with negative connotations.

But what is The Story of Your Life?

Much like a book, the story of your life is what scripts you play in your head, what you expect, what you visualize for yourself. You write the story with every thought, emotion and expectation.

The question then becomes. What do you want the story of your life to be?

Do you want it to be a terrible tragedy like “Titanic”?

A success story like “Rocky”?

Or, a romantic comedy like, “When Harry met Sally”?

You can begin to write the story of your life TODAY by choosing to think about what you want your life to be like. Put worries aside. Quench fears. Stop pessimistic thinking. Do not partake in gossip, criticizing or judging. Focus on the good already in your life and multiply the positive that comes to you.

Regardless of your age, whether you’re 18 or 98, see life through the eyes of a child:  full of wonder, adventures, opportunities and fun.

Wake up ready to face the day with enthusiasm, joy and great expectation.

Action Steps:

1) Write a story of what you want your life to look like. Write it as a movie script where you are the star. Write about the dreams you will fulfill, the places you will visit, the people you will spend time with, the activities that you will do.

2) After your story is complete ask yourself:  What steps must I take to begin living the life I want?

3) Write 3 actions steps you can take RIGHT NOW and do them.

I work with people to transform their lives into what they want. Contact me at mari@lifecoachmari.com  or visit my website for more information.

Mari Mitchell-Porter, CPC 

http://lifecoachmari.com/

Simple Ways to Cut Stress

We hurry around trying to accomplish everything we’ve committed ourselves to, packing as much as possible into our schedules as we plummet through the day.  Pushing ourselves to get from place to place on time while looking professional and in control is exhausting. The stress not only shows on our face, but more importantly affects our bodies. Backaches, headaches, high blood pressure can all be symptoms of our stressful days.

“But I have no choice”, my clients tell me.  “Everyone depends on me. If I don’t do it myself it won’t get done right” That may be true. However, having too much to do and not enough time is OUR choice.

We choose to make everyone and everything else more important than our health and wellbeing by agreeing to give rides, volunteering, attending every party or function.  There is nothing wrong with helping people or volunteering. Both are admirable. However, unless we take time for doing what makes us happy we are heading for unbalance in our lives. We all have responsibilities, but running around without filling ourselves back up is like driving your car when it’s out of oil. It will run, but eventually the engine will be ruined.

Here are four simple ways to cut stress.

1. Give yourself extra time to get your destination. Trying to get as much as possible done before going out the door, leaving just enough time to get to your destination is extremely stressful.  Any delay will make you late.  Being late is nothing compared to the stress you feel on the way and how harried you feel when you arrive. I’ve started leaving 15-20 minutes earlier than necessary and find myself feeling more relaxed.

2. Cut your to-do list to 5 items. This might sound crazy, but try it for week. Pick the 5 most important things to accomplish each day and DO them. Just looking at my old to-do of 15 or more items stressed me out.  By cutting it back to 5 tasks, I get done what’s absolutely necessary and feel such a sense of accomplishment I often do several more.

3. Limit your outings or parties to one per day. I’ve been doing this for years and it really reduces your stress. When my children, husband or I are invited to more than one event per day we chose one. No more running around town trying to get to several events in one day.

4. Hone your “no”. It’s perfectly okay to say no. You can turn down invitations, say no to your children when they want to go to the store, refuse to work late, say no thanks to another committee, not volunteer for the bake sale, decline staying up later than you want.

Saying no when necessary is saying yes to you.

Limiting stress is your choice. I hope you choose balance over stress.

Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC

Certified Professional Coach

http://lifecoachmari.com/

Do You Complain Too Much? Minimize complaining and compound the joy in your life.

If you're generally a happy person like myself you might believe you don't complain much. That's what I certainly thought until I began reading "The Power" by Rhonda Byrne.  She mentioned how focusing on all the many frustrating or annoying things that daily irritate us affects our mood and ultimately our life.

As I pondered her words I took stock of how many complaints uttered from my mouth each day and how many more only took the form of thoughts. The total was alarming.

Comments such as "Is that driver crazy? They need to get off the road" "He's such a nag" "I'm so stupid"  "Why does this always happen to me? ""It's SOOO hot" (This one I found myself saying and thinking endless times each day) "I can't believe this traffic." "I'm already late" I'm so fat"  "Who do they think they are?" "I'm sick of this" "My back is killing me" "Damn you"  "What the F------k"

Sound familiar? I could go on for pages, but will spare you.

Those are a small example of typical daily comments and complaints or thoughts. Each and every one of them brings a negative feeling. Do an experiment. Take a moment to repeat any of the above phrases to yourself or a negative phrase of your own.

How do you feel?   I feel angry, irate, anxious, nervous, unhappy. I feel BAD.

That's the end result of any of these or similar thoughts or comments.

Now, what if we replaced those thought or comment with positive ones?

"What a beautiful sunny day!" "I'm leaving early and giving myself extra time to get there" "I will allow nothing to bother me today." "I made a mistake, but I'm going to take it as a learning experience." "I don't like this, so I'm going to do something about it." "I'm excited to start my day." "I expect the best possible outcome." It's a great day." "I'm really enjoying myself."

Do the experiment again. Take a moment to repeat any of the above positive phrases or your own similar ones to yourself.

How do you feel?  I feel happy, excited, encouraged, passionate. I feel GOOD.

I'm not talking about a Pollyanna attitude of everything is just okey-dokey. (Yes it's a word I looked it up) I'm talking about awareness of our focus. Is our daily focus primarily on what's going wrong is our life or is it on what's going right?

As long we complaining about what's going wrong or what might go wrong,  we are bringing more negative energy into our life. We feel BAD more than we feel good.

If instead we are thinking and speaking primarily about what's going right, or can go right, we are bringing more positive energy into our life. We feel GOOD more than we feel bad.

So, how do stop complaining in our minds and verbally?

By first by being aware and second by replacing complaining with something positive.

For example:

Thought: "It's so hot. I can't stand the heat." This thought brings negative energy accompanied by bad feeling. (and sweating!)

Change it to: "It's a hot day. That's what living in Florida is about though. I'd better run my errands early in the day or later tonight and stay in the air conditioning this afternoon." This thought is on a positive note with a solution and accompanied by a good feeling.

I've been working on reducing my complaining both verbally and in my thoughts for several weeks. I cannot say I have zero complaints. (Not even close) However, I am more aware of the litany of complaints that come to my mind and sometime out of my mouth and I'm following steps to dip the scales towards less complaining and more positive feeling.

Here are actions steps for minimizing complaining in your life:

1. Consciously pay attention to the complaints you both utter and think about. Write them down in a notebook.

2. Take each complaint that is recurring and write a positive phrase that could replace it. Much like I did with "It's so hot" above.

3. Practice replacing your verbal complaint or thought with the new positive phrase.

4. Practice replacing your verbal complaint or thought with the new positive phrase.

5. Practice replacing your verbal complaint or thought with the new positive phrase.

4 and 5 are not typos. Practice, practice, practice is the only way to change this pattern and bring more joy into your life.

I'll be practicing this every day. I hope you will also.

By the way. I've having a lovely day today and hope you are too.

Mari
Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
http://lifecoachmari.com/

Entitled or Deserving?

One definition of entitlement is: belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges.

When you begin to think in terms of  "I'm entitled to... " These type of phrases come to mind:

I have the right to... I deserve to.... My boss must... The government owes me...

Entitlement is based on "By law, this is my right."

Deserving is a completely different term.

One definition of deserving reads: Worthy of being treated in a particular way.

When you begin to think in terms of "I'm worthy of..." These type of phrases come to mind:

I am worth it... I am valuable... I expect the best.. I accept only the best treatment from others.

I want you to read the phrases connected with entitlement again. How do you feel when you read them?

I feel almost angry. Each phrase brings a harshness and a negative feeling with it.

How about when you read the phrases connected with deserving?

There's a softness in my heart when I read those words. They bring good, positive feelings

That's the key to the difference between entitlement and deserving. When we begin to feel entitled, we bring negative feelings into ourselves. When we focus on being deserving, we attract positive feelings.

What's so bad about negative feeling? They don't feel good. I know that sounds so simplistic it's almost stupid, but think about it for a moment. Do you want to feel good or do you want to feel bad?

If you want to feel bad, keep focusing on being entitled and all the negative energy that brings into your life.

If you want to feel good, focus on being deserving and all the positive energy that brings into your life.

I for one intend to focus on being deserving because when I feel I'm worth it, I'm valuable and I expect the best in my life, the best shows up.

Mari
Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
http://lifecoachmari.com/

From zero to catastrophe in 30 seconds

“Worry is using your imagination to create what you don’t want” Abraham-Hicks

From the time we were born we’ve had an imagination. As a child we used our imagination to become a princess, an astronaut, a rock star, or to turn a playground into a castle, a spaceship or a concert stage. There was no limit to what we could imagine ourselves having, doing or being.

Some adults were amused by our playacting, while others attempted to bring us “back down to earth” by sharing their opinions of the real word and the realities of life. “You’re not talented enough to be a rock star, it’s unrealistic for you to dream about being an astronaut, and princesses no longer exist.” (Tell that to Kate Middleton).

We would probably continue in our play ignoring what the adults said.

Fast forward a few years and we’re in middle school, or junior high as they called it where I came from. We still held some dreams intact, but we had begin used our imagination for WORRY. Everyone worried, our parents, our teachers, our coaches, it was necessary to be successful. We HAD to worry about assignments, reports, test scores, grades and about what everyone else thought about us.

We began using our imagination to focus on all that could possible go wrong: What if I fail the test.? What if I get a pimple the day of my date? What if no one at school likes me?

And, not only did we ask ourselves the questions, but we also created elaborate scenarios in our mind, complete with detailed dialogue about the worse that could happen in any given situation.

We went from zero to catastrophe in 30 seconds.

We still do.

Except now the stakes are higher. What if I lose my job? What if I can’t pay my rent or mortgage? What if my spouse wants a divorce? What if my business fails? What if the government stops sending me my social security check? What if I get sick? What if a hurricane comes?

That’s using our imagination to create what we don’t want.

Mark Twain said “I am a very old man and have suffered a great many misfortunes, most of which never happened.”  He was talking about using our imaginations to predict the worse for ourselves and others and of the suffering we go through because of this. He was also saying that the suffering he went through was needless. It was all in his imagination.

He was right. We suffer needlessly when we worry about things that have not occurred and may never occur in our lives. We fill our days with the habit of worry.

I call worry a habit because it can be stopped, if we want to stop it. Stopping the worry habit is very simple. I can attest to that. But, it’s not easy. It takes practice, it takes focus and it takes self-control. It takes controlling your mind and focusing it AWAY from the habit of looking for the possible problems or worst possible outcome and turning it TOWARDS the possible solutions or the best possible outcome.

Worry is destructive; because it takes away the creative energy we can be using to improve our life and replaces it with stress. And we all know what stress does to you.

Are you ready to break the worry habit?

Actions steps:

1. Pick any subject of your choice. Then think of all the possible things that could go WRONG and what the worst possible outcome could be. How do you feel after that thought pattern? Probably pretty lousy.

Pick the same subject and brainstorm all the possible things that could go right and what the BEST outcome could be. Now, how do you feel? Much better, I hope.

                                                                                                                        

2. Commit to one week of turning your thoughts away from worry and the worst possible outcome to possibilities and the best possible outcome.  Every time you begin to worry about something STOP and make a mental list or write a list of all the good possibilities or options. Then take note of how much better you feel.

3. If you’re pleased with the results after doing this for a week, commit to do the same for 30 days.

4. Be aware of any of the good results you get in your life and write them all in a small notebook.

5. Now, make a commitment to yourself to break the worry habit for good.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this. http://lifecoachmari.com/

Mari

Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
http://lifecoachmari.com/

Me Time for Moms

As mothers we want what’s best for our children and may feel guilty when we think of taking time for ourselves. This may leave us burned out, with little to give.

I tell my clients to carve out some quiet time every day.  They roll their eyes saying they don’t have even one minute to spare. That may be true.

You look at your long list of tasks each morning intending to get everything done. By the time dinner is being cleared off the table, you’re ready to fall into bed exhausted even though there may be tasks undone. You either push past your exhaustion to do them or add them to tomorrow’s list.

I remember feeling as if I was on a merry-go-round and didn’t know how to get off.

What I found was that I needed to put gas in my engine before trying to put any into others. Do we drive our car until it’s empty of gas and then insist it continue to run?

Why would we do that to ourselves?

We must take time to refuel. Take time for appreciation, for pondering or meditation. Time for just US.

If you need to fuel your tank I suggest the following:

1. Decide where you can carve out 20 minutes a day for quiet time. This can be any time of day that suits you. For me it’s first thing in the morning before the phone starts ringing.

2. Create a place for yourself in your home where you are comfortable,relaxed and can go for your quiet time.

3. Make a commitment to yourself that you will keep that time as sacred. Forget about chores and don’t take phone calls.

4. Explain to your children or spouse about your quiet and ask them to honor it by not interrupting you. If you have babies, you could schedule the time while they nap or when someone else is home to care for them.

5. What you do during your quiet time is not as important as the fact that it nourishes you. You could write in a journal, or meditate. You may chose to read a novel or magazine. If you’re artistic, you might draw or paint. Or, you can just sit and enjoy the beauty around you. Give yourself a mental break from the responsibilities in your life so that you can refuel your ta

 I’d love to hear from those of you who tried this. Email me at mari@lifecoachmari.com

Mari
Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
http://lifecoachmari.com/

Father's Day

My father has been gone for close to twenty years now, but the traits he modeled will span generations. They will carry through my children and their children. He taught me the importance of family, a good work ethic, and appreciating being an American. He immigrated to this country so his children would have a better life and he succeeded in this desire.

                                                                                                                        

We often focus on the negative traits our fathers bear; their insensitivity or indifference, their prejudices or complaining. They are not perfect any more than we are yet we sometimes demand they stand up to our scrutiny. 

                                                                                                 

On this Father’s Day I want to bring our focus to the good each father brings to the family. Their persistence in going to work and support our families, their leadership at little league, the boy scouts or other organizations, their encouragement as we begin a new project as we start a new career, their joy as we get married, bear children and begin to see thing more their way.

I sometime hear people say “I never want to be like my father.”  They have good reason for saying this because they are focusing on what they don’t like about their dad. I am proud to be like my father because in spite of any failings or character defects, he loved me and my sister and did his best to give us a great life. I hope you can say the same about yours.

Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC

Personal Growth Coach, Relationship Coach, Writer, Speaker

lifecoachmari.com

Joy is up to you

I was reading once again the beginning of  "Ask and it is Given" by Esther and Jerry Hicks where Abraham says: "Be that confident, joyful, always looking for something else wonderful to turn your attention to person." I thought I  want to be that person.


As I pondered more on this phrase these thoughts came to me: Joy is in every day. Joy in in every moment.  Feel the joy, see the good, look for the silver lining. Expect the good, expect the best, live in joy.



We are the ones who chose to live in joy or not. We do so with our thoughts, with what we focus on and give our attention to. You may say that joy is not under our control because circumstances may rob us of our joy. I believe that although we may face challenges, we may face sorrow or pain, joy is still available to us. How? By being aware in each moment what brings us joy.


I remember several weeks back being in the hospice center while my mother lay near death. I was making espresso in the small kitchen they have for the families. The social worker came in and we chatted for a bit. She asked me how I was doing and I said okay. Then she asked me how I coped and I told her, "By focusing on the good things in my life, no matter how small they may be. The smell of the espresso brewing this very minute brings me enjoyment and I can savor it for this moment, then go back to my mom's room,"


I allowed myself to enjoy that momentary respite from the sadness that permeated my life. I took comfort in that moment in time. I refused to allow dire circumstances to rob me completely of  my joy.

I encourage you to reach for the joy in your every day. No matter where you are, no matter what the challenge, there are good things around you. Focus on them. Then look for more positive things and expand your appreciation of the good. Your joy is up to you.


Mari Mitchell Porter
Certified Life Coach
954 243-7297
http://lifecoachmari.com/

How Fear can Hinder Relationships

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself” Franklin D. Roosevelt

How can fear keep us from finding that special someone?

I’ve heard people say,  "I’ll never find a good man/woman. All the people I meet are losers. I’ll be alone the rest of my life."

That type of thinking gets them exactly what they expect, meeting the wrong people for them. But how can they change this thinking.  By using logic. They must convince themselves of the truth by analyzing the facts.

 

Thought: All the people I meet are losers.

Analysis:

Are all people losers? No, of course not.

Why do I meet only losers? Well, they’re not all losers, some I just don’t like or didn’t hit it off with.

What is the truth? I’ve been meeting people who I don’t like or just didn’t hit It off with. Some were nice, some weren’t, none were right for me.

Why is that? I guess I haven’t met the right person yet.

What can you do about it? Go out and meet more people.

 

Now, this person can create a new belief:  “I haven’t met the right person for me yet, but as I continue to date and meet more people that I will find the right one.”

This turns the fear which is actually: “I’ll be alone the rest of my life” into hope “As I continue to date I will find the right one.”

The easy part is to use the logic, the harder part is to re-train your thinking, This is done with practice. Every time you think: “I’ll be alone for the rest of my life.” You acknowledge the negative thought then immediately turn it into the positive thought: “As I continue to date, I will find the right one.”

You can use this method with any negative self-talk you want to eliminate. 

Mari Mitchell Porter
Certified Life Coach
http://lifecoachmari.com/
mari@lifecoachmari.com

54 Mother’s Days – A Tribute to my Mom

54 Mother’s Days.

That’s the number of mother’s days I celebrated with my mom.

Of course, the first few years I was just a baby so I don’t even remember, but I was there and I know I was loved.

My mom and dad were married for ten years before she conceived for the first time. They had virtually given up the hope of having babies. Then I was born.

Joy and love. Those were my reception into this world.

My mom is gone now, tomorrow will be a mere two weeks since she left to a better place. Although I mourn I do not despair. I am thankful for all those mother’s days I can remember.

As a child I would save up what coins I could to buy something “special”. I remember one year I bought her this gaudy tall blue vase. If there was anything my mother didn’t need at the time it was another decoration. Regardless, she put it on her dresser and there it stayed year after year a small  token of my love for her and a grand one of her love for me.

As I grew older and saw the vase on her dresser I would think “That’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen. I can’t believe she still has it there.” Then I’d smile to myself remembering how special she made me feel when she cleared off her dresser to display it there.

And now?

I miss my mother.  She won’t be with us this Mother’s Day. But, she will be with my dad and with all her loved ones who have passed. She will enjoy a mother’s day that’s “Out of this world”.  And I will be content in that. 

She deserves it.

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Eliminate F.E.A.R.

I've heard this acronym several times, the first time from Jodi a dear friend of mine. This week the message came to me again in the form of an article on eliminating fear from your life. It was mentioned that the Unity Founder, Charles Fillmore said that F.E.A.R means:
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real
One of the suggestions was to do a reality check of  fear which I decided to do. I used the acronym as a tool to eliminate the fear which I was holding to in my life. The article said that when you feel any fear or negativity, ask yourself whether there is any real or present danger to you. I did that and discovered that NO, there was no real danger.  The only danger or problem was in my imagination. It was false.


Wow!

Mark Twain once said: “I am a very old man and have suffered a great many misfortunes, most of which never happened.” He was talking about using our imaginations to see ourselves going through what we don't want in our lives. We can use our imagination to create what we want in our life, OR to torment ourselves with everything that could go wrong in our life.

In the book Ask and it is Given by Jerry and Esther Hicks it is quoted: 
“Worrying is using your imagination to create something you don’t want."

Where does worry come from? From fear of what the future might hold.  

However, the future hasn't come yet. What we have is the present and we can chose in this present moment to feel positive, to believe in the best possible outcome, to be enthusiastic, to feel happy OR we can allow our imagination to concoct all sorts of worst case scenarios and live in fear or worry.

It's completely OUR choice.

Which will you choose?

I hope you have a great day!
Mari

Mari Mitchell Porter
Certified Life Coach
954 243-7297
http://lifecoachmari.com/
Blog: http://www.lifecoachmari.blogspot.com/

Appreciation Lifts your Mood

I was reading in one of my favorite books:   
Creating Money: Attracting Abundance by Sanaya Roman and this is what she wrote:

"The more you can appreciate the gifts you are receiving while the tide is out, the more rapidly the tide will come back in. Focus on the abundance you have, rather than all the bills."

I thought about this for a few minutes and wondered what was the best way for me get into appreciation. I decided to begin a list of all the abundance in my life and not stop until I reached 100. I began with my husband, my children, my car, my smart phone, my house.  I got up to 50 and figured I might have maybe 10 more things to add. When I got to 75, I knew I must make it to my original goal of 100. I tried to think of anything or anyone in my life that brought me love, joy, beauty or comfort. When I got to the100 on my list I  felt so blessed, so happy, so grateful. Wow! What a great way to begin my day. I was now pumped to make my list of goals for the day and get them done!

I encourage you to do the same when you're feeling a bit discouraged, worried or just need a lift.

Have a great day!

Mari

Mari Mitchell Porter
Certified Life Coach
954 243-7297
http://lifecoachmari.com/

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I don't want to be disappointed

Those words were spoken to me this week by someone who was waiting for a business deal to come through. They shared their dilemma  and I suggested they just "see the deal as done, visualizing what they want in their life."

Their response: "I'm a positive person but,  I can't. "I don't want to be disappointed. I don't want to get my hopes up."

I had nothing to say to them. I knew their mind was completely made up.
You see, they were protecting themselves from the pain of disappointment. Their motivation: FEAR.

The FEAR of disappointment was greater than their desire to get what they want.

They are not alone. Almost all of us have been trained from a young age to "Not get our hopes up." to "Not want too much. It was the way our parents or caretakers tried to shield us from disappointment. They were doing what they had learned from their parents and felt it was the best for us.

The question now is whether this belief serves us.

Ask yourself:  What would I rather do?

1) Visualiize what I want in my life believing that I'll get it. Reach for my dream, pushing fear aside and plunging forward with the actions I'm lead to take.  Trust that,  if I don't get what I want, it's because the universe has something much better in store for me. Believe in the best possible outcome.

2) Reach from my dreams,  visualizing the worst possible outcome, not getting my hopes up, so that I'm not disappointed.



Mari Mitchell Porter
Certified Life Coach
http://preparingapathtolove.com/