Who Are You Trying Please?

My father used to say “Since you can’t please everyone, you might as well please yourself.”  I remember he and my mom would throw parties for over forty people and they always heard back negative comments about the food or drink. He had learned, the hard way, that no matter what you do, there’s always someone who complains. Even if fifty people are happy with your actions, there will still be that one you can never please. That was long before the song “Garden Party” by Ricky Nelson came out which says the same thing. Very wise advice.  However, I didn’t take it.

Like so many others, I spent much of my life being a people pleaser. The rationalization was that if I was nice, they would like me, be my friend and that would prove to the world what a good person I was.

The problem with this belief system is, when we spend so much effort doing what make others happy at the expense of what make us happy we end up with a very unsatisfying, unfulfilled and not to mention, unhappy life.

I was miserable, but VERY VERY nice. I was careful never to offend anyone by disagreeing with them, sharing my point of view or insisting we go someplace I preferred. No rocking the boat for me. I might fall out and then I’d be all alone.

As I achieved more and more personal growth, the realization came to me that I was going about things backwards. How could I bring any joy or happiness to anyone else’s life if I wasn’t happy? So, I changed my mind, deciding my happiness was the most important thing and from this joy, I would enhance the life of those around me. It worked, my life began to change for the better and now it’s filled with people I love, a career I’m passionate about and so much joy.

As we wind down to the end of 2011, I encourage you to set aside some time and think about what makes YOU happy.

1. Note two or three thing you’ve always wanted to do, but never made time for.
2. Ponder what you really enjoy doing, that you’ve put aside.
3. Notice how many things or activities you’re involved in that you don’t really ejoy at all.
4. Make a plan to purposefully go after what make you happy in 2012.

May your holidays be wonderful and filled with unending blessings.

I specialize in helping people bring the joy back into their lives. If you’d like more information please visit my website.

Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
Certified Professional Coach
mari@lifecoachmari.com
http://lifecoachmari.com/ 

Are you a Visionary

Are you a visionary?

I was reading the book “Ask and it is Given” by Esther and Jerry Hicks and something I read struck me.

“One who is visionary thrives at all times.”

I had read that sentence many times before, but that day I thought to myself: What does that really mean?

Who do we know that is a visionary?

Certainly Bill Gates. He began his business in a garage with a partner. He envisioned something no one really believed in. People called him a fool and laughed, saying it was ludicrous to think people would want a computer in their homes.  Who’s laughing now?

How about Helen Keller who said: “ Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure”  She who was blind and deaf went on to become a teacher.  She had a vision and she overcame unbelievable obstacles to attain it.

I believe being a visionary means that in order for us to achieve what we want in life, we must STOP looking at the circumstances around us and focus on what we envision having or doing. Instead of looking at every obstacle and getting stuck in negative thinking, we must visualize what it is we want and feel as if we already have it.

For example: We hear every day through endless forms of media how BAD the economy is. We can choose to let those endless messages form our decisions by repeating the woes and letting fear govern our actions.

We might think:

I can’t start a new business in these times

We can’t have a baby because we might not be able to afford it.

My business is going down because people don’t have any money.

I can’t leave my job and do something new because I’m lucky to even have a job.

I’m afraid to invest and lose it all.

I can’t move now, it’s a bad time.

We can’t get married because we might lose our jobs.

This type of thinking keeps us from taking new actions or implementing new ideas that may come to us. Instead, I urge you to step out and be courageous.

Here are some steps to take:

1. Give yourself quiet time every day and begin to listen to your inner voice.
2. Do what your inner voice tells you.
3. Begin to Implement any new ideas, concepts, programs.
4. Follow your instincts without concerning yourself with the negative feedback you may get. (You’ll probably get a lot of it.)
5. Be careful who you share your aspirations with.
6. Keep company with other visionary people.
7. Limit your contact with negative people who always find problems with your ideas.
8. Remember to congratulate yourself on every success no matter how small.
9. See yourself as successful.

 As we become visionaries anything is possible. I hope you open your life up to endless possibilities.

Mari Mitchell

Certified Life Coach

www.prepaingapathtolove.com

The waves of change

The waves of change

"Don't want to cause waves."  Someone said that to me the other day.. However. those who are extremely successful are so because they do cause waves.
Einstein, Martin Luther King, Oprah, President Lincoln, Columbus, Edison I could go on forever.

Each of these people had vision, a purpose and they pursued their beliefs, regardless of the cost.

Thomas Edison BELIEVED  he could discover a way to create light. He invented the light bulb in order to do this. It took him over 2000 different attempts before he found one that worked. That's dedication, persistence and most of all BELIEF in his dream.

I say, "Move towards your dreams and purpose and don't worry about causing waves."

For many it’s unnatural. We’re taught from infancy to sit down, be quiet, don’t upset mother, do what your teacher says, fit in with everyone else. After years of this type of brainwashing it’s not easy to step out and do something different, or innovative. We tend to fall back into the patterns we’ve always followed. We think that causing any waves would be disastrous, we might be engulfed by at tsunami. Maybe a tsunami is just what we need.

Changing anything in our lives requires we make a shift in our thinking and our behaving. We must step out and do something different, something perhaps we’ve never done before. It take courage. It takes determination.

We hear so often the phase “the sky’s the limit”. It’s spoken of in motivational materials. My belief is: The sky's not the limit, there is no limit except our own limited thinking.

We can do whatever we want to do. We can be whatever want to be and we can create success in any area of our lives as long as we’re willing to CHANGE, to do something different, to follow our own instincts.

If we truly want to accomplish something, we must believe that we can and we must be willing to make the changes necessary.

Mari Mitchell

Certified Life Coach

www.preparingapathtolove.com

mari@preparingapahtolove.com