If you're generally a happy person like myself you might believe you don't complain much. That's what I certainly thought until I began reading "The Power" by Rhonda Byrne. She mentioned how focusing on all the many frustrating or annoying things that daily irritate us affects our mood and ultimately our life.
As I pondered her words I took stock of how many complaints uttered from my mouth each day and how many more only took the form of thoughts. The total was alarming.
Comments such as "Is that driver crazy? They need to get off the road" "He's such a nag" "I'm so stupid" "Why does this always happen to me? ""It's SOOO hot" (This one I found myself saying and thinking endless times each day) "I can't believe this traffic." "I'm already late" I'm so fat" "Who do they think they are?" "I'm sick of this" "My back is killing me" "Damn you" "What the F------k"
Sound familiar? I could go on for pages, but will spare you.
Those are a small example of typical daily comments and complaints or thoughts. Each and every one of them brings a negative feeling. Do an experiment. Take a moment to repeat any of the above phrases to yourself or a negative phrase of your own.
How do you feel? I feel angry, irate, anxious, nervous, unhappy. I feel BAD.
That's the end result of any of these or similar thoughts or comments.
Now, what if we replaced those thought or comment with positive ones?
"What a beautiful sunny day!" "I'm leaving early and giving myself extra time to get there" "I will allow nothing to bother me today." "I made a mistake, but I'm going to take it as a learning experience." "I don't like this, so I'm going to do something about it." "I'm excited to start my day." "I expect the best possible outcome." It's a great day." "I'm really enjoying myself."
Do the experiment again. Take a moment to repeat any of the above positive phrases or your own similar ones to yourself.
How do you feel? I feel happy, excited, encouraged, passionate. I feel GOOD.
I'm not talking about a Pollyanna attitude of everything is just okey-dokey. (Yes it's a word I looked it up) I'm talking about awareness of our focus. Is our daily focus primarily on what's going wrong is our life or is it on what's going right?
As long we complaining about what's going wrong or what might go wrong, we are bringing more negative energy into our life. We feel BAD more than we feel good.
If instead we are thinking and speaking primarily about what's going right, or can go right, we are bringing more positive energy into our life. We feel GOOD more than we feel bad.
So, how do stop complaining in our minds and verbally?
By first by being aware and second by replacing complaining with something positive.
For example:
Thought: "It's so hot. I can't stand the heat." This thought brings negative energy accompanied by bad feeling. (and sweating!)
Change it to: "It's a hot day. That's what living in Florida is about though. I'd better run my errands early in the day or later tonight and stay in the air conditioning this afternoon." This thought is on a positive note with a solution and accompanied by a good feeling.
I've been working on reducing my complaining both verbally and in my thoughts for several weeks. I cannot say I have zero complaints. (Not even close) However, I am more aware of the litany of complaints that come to my mind and sometime out of my mouth and I'm following steps to dip the scales towards less complaining and more positive feeling.
Here are actions steps for minimizing complaining in your life:
1. Consciously pay attention to the complaints you both utter and think about. Write them down in a notebook.
2. Take each complaint that is recurring and write a positive phrase that could replace it. Much like I did with "It's so hot" above.
3. Practice replacing your verbal complaint or thought with the new positive phrase.
4. Practice replacing your verbal complaint or thought with the new positive phrase.
5. Practice replacing your verbal complaint or thought with the new positive phrase.
4 and 5 are not typos. Practice, practice, practice is the only way to change this pattern and bring more joy into your life.
I'll be practicing this every day. I hope you will also.
By the way. I've having a lovely day today and hope you are too.
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