Coffee is not that Serious

I was  at a local coffee shop writing and overheard an exchange between a very upset customer and the girl behind the counter. The customer was livid because she was charged more for the syrup and other extras she added to her drink. She argued over why she had to pay the extra. The employee calmly explained to her the cost of each extra item and that it was clearly posted on the menu board. The customer continued arguing, saying that no one told her it would be extra and they should have told her and it wasn’t right. When the store manager wouldn’t give into her she demanded a full refund and returned the drink. She upset herself, the employee and the cashier. As I watched her leave the store in a huff and with no coffee of course, I realized she was the most upset.

Really? Over a drink?

Coffee is not that serious. It’s coffee. It’s not global warming, world war, or even a car accident or personal assault. What was behind her anger? I have no idea. All I know is that on a beautiful, sunny Saturday morning, full of promise a woman decides to ruin her ability to enjoy the coffee she wanted over a $.64 charge.

Moral of the story. You can decide what your day will be like. You can decide what trivial things you allow to damper your mood or even your entire day. It’s in your power to move your attention from small things that irritate you and shift it to what you love, adore, enjoy and how wonderful life really is.

Have a great day, and remember you have the power to choose how great your day is or how miserable.

Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
Certified Professional Coach
954 243-7297

mari@lifecoachmari.com
http://lifecoachmari.com/

Dating advice: Changing your mindset

Most people in our society including me when I was dating, have put the focus on what you are doing, how you look, how you sound, what the opposite sex thinks of you. This is actually backwards.

The healthy way to think is: Is this person a good match for me?  Do they have the character traits I'm looking for in a mate? How do they treat me? How do they treat their family, friends, the waitress?

When we first meet someone that we are attracted to, the next step is to find out whether we want to see this person again (Go on a date). That's the ONLY next step.

Wondering whether they're "The one" is premature at that time. Even after several dates, wondering whether they're "The one" is STILL premature.This is our time to do our "Research" on this person. This is when we find out whether they're kind, loving, trustworthy, and have all the traits we require to be in relationship with them. Our only goal must be to get to know them better and to carefully observe their behavior with us and with others. When we're looking for a long term relationship, our thoughts will naturally go to: are they "The One".But we must gently put those thoughts aside and be "In the moment" enjoying our time with them and continuing our "Research". 

As we meet people, get to know them and date them we might be disappointed, rejected, discouraged. This is normal because not every person we meet is "The ONE". That's why they're called the ONE, not the MANY. 

It's important to acknowledge our disappointment, discouragement maybe even anger then realize that obviously this person was not for us and say NEXT in our mind. That frees us to go out there again and meet the next person until we find THE ONE.

When you meet people keep you focus on how YOU feel, if YOU like them, if YOU find them attractive, if YOU are enjoying the conversation with them. Don't worry about if THEY like you. If THEY approve of you, etc. This will give you a peace of mind and heart unlike anything you've ever know. By the way, you can use this mindset in any inter-personal relationships with a boss, parent, friend, even at a meeting.

Keeping the focus on YOU gives you the power, courage, strength and draws the right people to you.

Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
Certified Professional Coach
954 243-7297

mari@lifecoachmari.com
http://lifecoachmari.com/

It's Your Choice TODAY

"Every morning when you wake up you are literally being born anew and afresh. Every day there are new things on your mind, people to meet, things to do. As you wake up and start your day, you need not think of the past and remember mistakes; instead focus upon the future and what you will create." From "Living with Joy" by Sanaya Roman.

As you wake up each morning you can set a good mood for the day.
How you may ask?
By focusing your thoughts on what new, exciting things you can look forward to this day.
For example:
Projects you want to start.
New people you wish to meet.
Setting goals for yourself.
You can also set a bad mood by focusing on the mistakes you've made, the things that have gone wrong, or negative words people have spoken. Rehashing the unpleasant, the embarrassing, the pain and rejection much like a cow regurgitating food.
Will you have a bad day or a good day? It's your choice.
If early in your day you accept that this is a brand new day, the past is over and all you have control over is your present and future, then anything is possible for you TODAY.
Keep you mind on the good, keep your thoughts hopeful, let negative comments run off your back like water down a slide. Expand your possibilities, plan for success. Take small steps that will take you towards your dreams.
It's your choice. TODAY.
I hope you make it a great one.
Actions steps:

1.      Early in the morning or sometime during the day make a list of anything that is troubling you.

2.      Set aside some time right then, or later if necessary, to brainstorm three things you could do to solve the issue or problem.

3.      Make a commitment to yourself to do one of the three things on your list within 24 hours.

4.      Now turn your thoughts to the good things in your life. What you love, enjoy, appreciate, what makes you happy.

Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
Certified Life Coach
954 243-7297   http://lifecoachmari.com/
If you're looking for support and guidance in making your life what you want it to be, contact me for your free initial consultation.

Who Are You Trying Please?

My father used to say “Since you can’t please everyone, you might as well please yourself.”  I remember he and my mom would throw parties for over forty people and they always heard back negative comments about the food or drink. He had learned, the hard way, that no matter what you do, there’s always someone who complains. Even if fifty people are happy with your actions, there will still be that one you can never please. That was long before the song “Garden Party” by Ricky Nelson came out which says the same thing. Very wise advice.  However, I didn’t take it.

Like so many others, I spent much of my life being a people pleaser. The rationalization was that if I was nice, they would like me, be my friend and that would prove to the world what a good person I was.

The problem with this belief system is, when we spend so much effort doing what make others happy at the expense of what make us happy we end up with a very unsatisfying, unfulfilled and not to mention, unhappy life.

I was miserable, but VERY VERY nice. I was careful never to offend anyone by disagreeing with them, sharing my point of view or insisting we go someplace I preferred. No rocking the boat for me. I might fall out and then I’d be all alone.

As I achieved more and more personal growth, the realization came to me that I was going about things backwards. How could I bring any joy or happiness to anyone else’s life if I wasn’t happy? So, I changed my mind, deciding my happiness was the most important thing and from this joy, I would enhance the life of those around me. It worked, my life began to change for the better and now it’s filled with people I love, a career I’m passionate about and so much joy.

As we wind down to the end of 2011, I encourage you to set aside some time and think about what makes YOU happy.

1. Note two or three thing you’ve always wanted to do, but never made time for.
2. Ponder what you really enjoy doing, that you’ve put aside.
3. Notice how many things or activities you’re involved in that you don’t really ejoy at all.
4. Make a plan to purposefully go after what make you happy in 2012.

May your holidays be wonderful and filled with unending blessings.

I specialize in helping people bring the joy back into their lives. If you’d like more information please visit my website.

Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
Certified Professional Coach
mari@lifecoachmari.com
http://lifecoachmari.com/ 

Enjoy your own Joyful Life

“We’re so busy imposing our preferences on other people, instead of just letting them be them and enjoy their life the way they want to, that we miss our own joyful life.” Abraham-Hicks

I’m still guilty of trying to tell other people what to do and how to do it. (Much less so than I used to be, but non-the-less, guilty.)

This phrase reminds me that keeping the focus on yourself is necessary for joy to flow in your life. When you spend time insisting people do things your way, you’re inviting negativity and bad feelings to come into your life. Nobody wants to be told what to do. Nobody. You are also using energy that could be spent on creating the life you want.

When you take the focus off everybody else and put it on yourself, you can truly enjoy your own life. You now have time to acknowledge how blessed you really are, how much your loved ones enhance your life and to ponder what it is you want in your life and how to work towards it.

Actions Steps

1.      Set aside some time to think about who you’re trying to push your preferences on and write their names on a list.

2.      See each one as an individual who had their own preferences that may not match your own

3.      Take each person you wrote down and list every good quality they possess.

4.      Write down every way they bring joy to your life.

5.      Decide to free yourself from telling them what to do.

6.      Keep the focus on you by asking yourself what it is you want.

7.      When you’re tempted to tell others what to do, remind yourself that they are very capable, just like you are, of handling their own life.

To kick your joy up a notch, watch this video my friend Jodi shared with me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9z2ELaBVJY&sns=em

Have a great and joyful day,

Mari

Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
Certified Professional Coach
mari@lifecoachmari.com
http://lifecoachmari.com/

Thank Heaven for LIttle Girls (They become beautiful loving young women)

A couple of days ago I came home to find a "Surprise" on my kitchen counter. There was a beautiful poinsettia on the counter with a note from my daughter Julianne that said: "Just a reminder that I appreciate everything you do for me. I love you!" Well, it made my day. What she didn't know was that I had been wanting a poinsettia plant to put in our front entrance. We placed it by the front door and since I can see it from the kitchen window I smile and feel grateful everytime I see it from the kitchen.

Yesterday I was driving home and a Michael Buble Christmas song started playing on the radio. That reminded me that he had a new Christmas Album out and I thought to myself “It would be nice to have that new album. Maybe I’ll put it on my Christmas list.” Then I forgot about it.
Last night we were putting up the Christmas tree and in the middle of decorating my oldest daughter Christina came into the room and pulled a cd out of a bag. She had brought me the Buble CD as a stocking stuffer, but decided to give it to me last night so I could enjoy it before Christmas. She didn't even know I wanted it!

Each of these wonderful surprises sent my vibration through the roof! And it stayed there the remainder of both days.

And, when I think them today, it still fills me with joy.

I am so thankful for my wonderful daughters and I've ever grateful for all the wnderful little things that come into my life!

I hope that today you will enjoy all the little blessings in your life also.

Mari

Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
Certified Professional Coach
954 243-7297

mari@lifecoachmari.com
http://lifecoachmari.com/

Getting up on the RIGHT Side of the Bed

How many times have you heard someone say “I got up on the wrong side of the bed.” Or maybe you yourself use this phrase. I looked up the definition and here it is: To feel irritable; to be in a bad mood; to have a bad day from the start, for no particular reason.    

For no particular reason is what strikes me in this phrase. Things begin to go wrong and sometimes continue to go wrong for the rest of the day. WHY? And Can we turn things around and make our day go well?

I believe we CAN.

Let’s say you wake up. The first thought that hits you is Uggh, it’s Monday, back to work. It’s going to be a bad day! You’ve already conditioned yourself to actually HAVE a BAD day. You’ve initiated it with your thought. You’ve invited it with your expectation. Therefore, you will get the day you predicted for yourself.

But, what if you wake up and the first thought that hits you is: Ahh, it’s Monday, It’s going to be a great day! Now you’ve conditioned yourself to actually HAVE a GOOD day. You’ve initiated it with your thought. You’ve invited it with your expectation. Therefore, you will get the day you predicted for yourself.

Which scenario do you want for yourself? 

But, you may say. Your suggestions are too simplistic. I KNOW I’m going to have a bad day and no amount of positive thoughts can change that.

I disagree.

Even if you wake up and you KNOW that this particular day will bring challenges, you can change your overall mood for the day by focusing on what’s good in your life upon waking up, even before you get out of bed.

The better your mood, the better your day will go. Think about this for a minute. If you’re in a very good mood isn’t it true that things don’t bother you as much? Isn’t it true that you might brush things off that other wise would really bother you?

What if you’re in a bad mood? Doesn’t EVERYTHING seem to bother you, from the smallest of inconveniences to the big stuff?

So, what does this have to do with getting out of the RIGHT side of the bed?

If you want your day to go as smoothly as possible take time before you get out of bed and reflect on all the good things that are currently in your life. Start with family and friends, your job, your house, car, other possessions, conveniences. Think of every GOOD THING. This should only take about 5 minutes. As you begin to think about how fortunate you are and feel gratitude for all of it your mood will be one of joy. 

What about the challenges you might face that day? Tell yourself, even before your feet hit the floor that your day will go well and you expect the best possible outcome for anything you face that day.

NOW get out of bed. You will be getting out of the RIGHT side of the bed because your attitude and focus will be one of gratitude and the goods things in your life.

I challenge you to try this for a week and see the great results in your life.

Be sure to email me with your good reports.

Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC

mari@lifecoachmari.com

http://lifecoachmari.com/