Getting up on the RIGHT Side of the Bed

How many times have you heard someone say “I got up on the wrong side of the bed.” Or maybe you yourself use this phrase. I looked up the definition and here it is: To feel irritable; to be in a bad mood; to have a bad day from the start, for no particular reason.    

For no particular reason is what strikes me in this phrase. Things begin to go wrong and sometimes continue to go wrong for the rest of the day. WHY? And Can we turn things around and make our day go well?

I believe we CAN.

Let’s say you wake up. The first thought that hits you is Uggh, it’s Monday, back to work. It’s going to be a bad day! You’ve already conditioned yourself to actually HAVE a BAD day. You’ve initiated it with your thought. You’ve invited it with your expectation. Therefore, you will get the day you predicted for yourself.

But, what if you wake up and the first thought that hits you is: Ahh, it’s Monday, It’s going to be a great day! Now you’ve conditioned yourself to actually HAVE a GOOD day. You’ve initiated it with your thought. You’ve invited it with your expectation. Therefore, you will get the day you predicted for yourself.

Which scenario do you want for yourself? 

But, you may say. Your suggestions are too simplistic. I KNOW I’m going to have a bad day and no amount of positive thoughts can change that.

I disagree.

Even if you wake up and you KNOW that this particular day will bring challenges, you can change your overall mood for the day by focusing on what’s good in your life upon waking up, even before you get out of bed.

The better your mood, the better your day will go. Think about this for a minute. If you’re in a very good mood isn’t it true that things don’t bother you as much? Isn’t it true that you might brush things off that other wise would really bother you?

What if you’re in a bad mood? Doesn’t EVERYTHING seem to bother you, from the smallest of inconveniences to the big stuff?

So, what does this have to do with getting out of the RIGHT side of the bed?

If you want your day to go as smoothly as possible take time before you get out of bed and reflect on all the good things that are currently in your life. Start with family and friends, your job, your house, car, other possessions, conveniences. Think of every GOOD THING. This should only take about 5 minutes. As you begin to think about how fortunate you are and feel gratitude for all of it your mood will be one of joy. 

What about the challenges you might face that day? Tell yourself, even before your feet hit the floor that your day will go well and you expect the best possible outcome for anything you face that day.

NOW get out of bed. You will be getting out of the RIGHT side of the bed because your attitude and focus will be one of gratitude and the goods things in your life.

I challenge you to try this for a week and see the great results in your life.

Be sure to email me with your good reports.

Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC

mari@lifecoachmari.com

http://lifecoachmari.com/

The Story of Your Life

How often have you heard someone tell you of something negative that happened and you responded with: “That’s the story of my life.” You knew what they went through, felt the same disappointment and re-lived your own negative experiences in that moment. That phrase is imbued with negative connotations.

But what is The Story of Your Life?

Much like a book, the story of your life is what scripts you play in your head, what you expect, what you visualize for yourself. You write the story with every thought, emotion and expectation.

The question then becomes. What do you want the story of your life to be?

Do you want it to be a terrible tragedy like “Titanic”?

A success story like “Rocky”?

Or, a romantic comedy like, “When Harry met Sally”?

You can begin to write the story of your life TODAY by choosing to think about what you want your life to be like. Put worries aside. Quench fears. Stop pessimistic thinking. Do not partake in gossip, criticizing or judging. Focus on the good already in your life and multiply the positive that comes to you.

Regardless of your age, whether you’re 18 or 98, see life through the eyes of a child:  full of wonder, adventures, opportunities and fun.

Wake up ready to face the day with enthusiasm, joy and great expectation.

Action Steps:

1) Write a story of what you want your life to look like. Write it as a movie script where you are the star. Write about the dreams you will fulfill, the places you will visit, the people you will spend time with, the activities that you will do.

2) After your story is complete ask yourself:  What steps must I take to begin living the life I want?

3) Write 3 actions steps you can take RIGHT NOW and do them.

I work with people to transform their lives into what they want. Contact me at mari@lifecoachmari.com  or visit my website for more information.

Mari Mitchell-Porter, CPC 

http://lifecoachmari.com/

Simple Ways to Cut Stress

We hurry around trying to accomplish everything we’ve committed ourselves to, packing as much as possible into our schedules as we plummet through the day.  Pushing ourselves to get from place to place on time while looking professional and in control is exhausting. The stress not only shows on our face, but more importantly affects our bodies. Backaches, headaches, high blood pressure can all be symptoms of our stressful days.

“But I have no choice”, my clients tell me.  “Everyone depends on me. If I don’t do it myself it won’t get done right” That may be true. However, having too much to do and not enough time is OUR choice.

We choose to make everyone and everything else more important than our health and wellbeing by agreeing to give rides, volunteering, attending every party or function.  There is nothing wrong with helping people or volunteering. Both are admirable. However, unless we take time for doing what makes us happy we are heading for unbalance in our lives. We all have responsibilities, but running around without filling ourselves back up is like driving your car when it’s out of oil. It will run, but eventually the engine will be ruined.

Here are four simple ways to cut stress.

1. Give yourself extra time to get your destination. Trying to get as much as possible done before going out the door, leaving just enough time to get to your destination is extremely stressful.  Any delay will make you late.  Being late is nothing compared to the stress you feel on the way and how harried you feel when you arrive. I’ve started leaving 15-20 minutes earlier than necessary and find myself feeling more relaxed.

2. Cut your to-do list to 5 items. This might sound crazy, but try it for week. Pick the 5 most important things to accomplish each day and DO them. Just looking at my old to-do of 15 or more items stressed me out.  By cutting it back to 5 tasks, I get done what’s absolutely necessary and feel such a sense of accomplishment I often do several more.

3. Limit your outings or parties to one per day. I’ve been doing this for years and it really reduces your stress. When my children, husband or I are invited to more than one event per day we chose one. No more running around town trying to get to several events in one day.

4. Hone your “no”. It’s perfectly okay to say no. You can turn down invitations, say no to your children when they want to go to the store, refuse to work late, say no thanks to another committee, not volunteer for the bake sale, decline staying up later than you want.

Saying no when necessary is saying yes to you.

Limiting stress is your choice. I hope you choose balance over stress.

Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC

Certified Professional Coach

http://lifecoachmari.com/

Do You Complain Too Much? Minimize complaining and compound the joy in your life.

If you're generally a happy person like myself you might believe you don't complain much. That's what I certainly thought until I began reading "The Power" by Rhonda Byrne.  She mentioned how focusing on all the many frustrating or annoying things that daily irritate us affects our mood and ultimately our life.

As I pondered her words I took stock of how many complaints uttered from my mouth each day and how many more only took the form of thoughts. The total was alarming.

Comments such as "Is that driver crazy? They need to get off the road" "He's such a nag" "I'm so stupid"  "Why does this always happen to me? ""It's SOOO hot" (This one I found myself saying and thinking endless times each day) "I can't believe this traffic." "I'm already late" I'm so fat"  "Who do they think they are?" "I'm sick of this" "My back is killing me" "Damn you"  "What the F------k"

Sound familiar? I could go on for pages, but will spare you.

Those are a small example of typical daily comments and complaints or thoughts. Each and every one of them brings a negative feeling. Do an experiment. Take a moment to repeat any of the above phrases to yourself or a negative phrase of your own.

How do you feel?   I feel angry, irate, anxious, nervous, unhappy. I feel BAD.

That's the end result of any of these or similar thoughts or comments.

Now, what if we replaced those thought or comment with positive ones?

"What a beautiful sunny day!" "I'm leaving early and giving myself extra time to get there" "I will allow nothing to bother me today." "I made a mistake, but I'm going to take it as a learning experience." "I don't like this, so I'm going to do something about it." "I'm excited to start my day." "I expect the best possible outcome." It's a great day." "I'm really enjoying myself."

Do the experiment again. Take a moment to repeat any of the above positive phrases or your own similar ones to yourself.

How do you feel?  I feel happy, excited, encouraged, passionate. I feel GOOD.

I'm not talking about a Pollyanna attitude of everything is just okey-dokey. (Yes it's a word I looked it up) I'm talking about awareness of our focus. Is our daily focus primarily on what's going wrong is our life or is it on what's going right?

As long we complaining about what's going wrong or what might go wrong,  we are bringing more negative energy into our life. We feel BAD more than we feel good.

If instead we are thinking and speaking primarily about what's going right, or can go right, we are bringing more positive energy into our life. We feel GOOD more than we feel bad.

So, how do stop complaining in our minds and verbally?

By first by being aware and second by replacing complaining with something positive.

For example:

Thought: "It's so hot. I can't stand the heat." This thought brings negative energy accompanied by bad feeling. (and sweating!)

Change it to: "It's a hot day. That's what living in Florida is about though. I'd better run my errands early in the day or later tonight and stay in the air conditioning this afternoon." This thought is on a positive note with a solution and accompanied by a good feeling.

I've been working on reducing my complaining both verbally and in my thoughts for several weeks. I cannot say I have zero complaints. (Not even close) However, I am more aware of the litany of complaints that come to my mind and sometime out of my mouth and I'm following steps to dip the scales towards less complaining and more positive feeling.

Here are actions steps for minimizing complaining in your life:

1. Consciously pay attention to the complaints you both utter and think about. Write them down in a notebook.

2. Take each complaint that is recurring and write a positive phrase that could replace it. Much like I did with "It's so hot" above.

3. Practice replacing your verbal complaint or thought with the new positive phrase.

4. Practice replacing your verbal complaint or thought with the new positive phrase.

5. Practice replacing your verbal complaint or thought with the new positive phrase.

4 and 5 are not typos. Practice, practice, practice is the only way to change this pattern and bring more joy into your life.

I'll be practicing this every day. I hope you will also.

By the way. I've having a lovely day today and hope you are too.

Mari
Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
http://lifecoachmari.com/

Entitled or Deserving?

One definition of entitlement is: belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges.

When you begin to think in terms of  "I'm entitled to... " These type of phrases come to mind:

I have the right to... I deserve to.... My boss must... The government owes me...

Entitlement is based on "By law, this is my right."

Deserving is a completely different term.

One definition of deserving reads: Worthy of being treated in a particular way.

When you begin to think in terms of "I'm worthy of..." These type of phrases come to mind:

I am worth it... I am valuable... I expect the best.. I accept only the best treatment from others.

I want you to read the phrases connected with entitlement again. How do you feel when you read them?

I feel almost angry. Each phrase brings a harshness and a negative feeling with it.

How about when you read the phrases connected with deserving?

There's a softness in my heart when I read those words. They bring good, positive feelings

That's the key to the difference between entitlement and deserving. When we begin to feel entitled, we bring negative feelings into ourselves. When we focus on being deserving, we attract positive feelings.

What's so bad about negative feeling? They don't feel good. I know that sounds so simplistic it's almost stupid, but think about it for a moment. Do you want to feel good or do you want to feel bad?

If you want to feel bad, keep focusing on being entitled and all the negative energy that brings into your life.

If you want to feel good, focus on being deserving and all the positive energy that brings into your life.

I for one intend to focus on being deserving because when I feel I'm worth it, I'm valuable and I expect the best in my life, the best shows up.

Mari
Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
http://lifecoachmari.com/

From zero to catastrophe in 30 seconds

“Worry is using your imagination to create what you don’t want” Abraham-Hicks

From the time we were born we’ve had an imagination. As a child we used our imagination to become a princess, an astronaut, a rock star, or to turn a playground into a castle, a spaceship or a concert stage. There was no limit to what we could imagine ourselves having, doing or being.

Some adults were amused by our playacting, while others attempted to bring us “back down to earth” by sharing their opinions of the real word and the realities of life. “You’re not talented enough to be a rock star, it’s unrealistic for you to dream about being an astronaut, and princesses no longer exist.” (Tell that to Kate Middleton).

We would probably continue in our play ignoring what the adults said.

Fast forward a few years and we’re in middle school, or junior high as they called it where I came from. We still held some dreams intact, but we had begin used our imagination for WORRY. Everyone worried, our parents, our teachers, our coaches, it was necessary to be successful. We HAD to worry about assignments, reports, test scores, grades and about what everyone else thought about us.

We began using our imagination to focus on all that could possible go wrong: What if I fail the test.? What if I get a pimple the day of my date? What if no one at school likes me?

And, not only did we ask ourselves the questions, but we also created elaborate scenarios in our mind, complete with detailed dialogue about the worse that could happen in any given situation.

We went from zero to catastrophe in 30 seconds.

We still do.

Except now the stakes are higher. What if I lose my job? What if I can’t pay my rent or mortgage? What if my spouse wants a divorce? What if my business fails? What if the government stops sending me my social security check? What if I get sick? What if a hurricane comes?

That’s using our imagination to create what we don’t want.

Mark Twain said “I am a very old man and have suffered a great many misfortunes, most of which never happened.”  He was talking about using our imaginations to predict the worse for ourselves and others and of the suffering we go through because of this. He was also saying that the suffering he went through was needless. It was all in his imagination.

He was right. We suffer needlessly when we worry about things that have not occurred and may never occur in our lives. We fill our days with the habit of worry.

I call worry a habit because it can be stopped, if we want to stop it. Stopping the worry habit is very simple. I can attest to that. But, it’s not easy. It takes practice, it takes focus and it takes self-control. It takes controlling your mind and focusing it AWAY from the habit of looking for the possible problems or worst possible outcome and turning it TOWARDS the possible solutions or the best possible outcome.

Worry is destructive; because it takes away the creative energy we can be using to improve our life and replaces it with stress. And we all know what stress does to you.

Are you ready to break the worry habit?

Actions steps:

1. Pick any subject of your choice. Then think of all the possible things that could go WRONG and what the worst possible outcome could be. How do you feel after that thought pattern? Probably pretty lousy.

Pick the same subject and brainstorm all the possible things that could go right and what the BEST outcome could be. Now, how do you feel? Much better, I hope.

                                                                                                                        

2. Commit to one week of turning your thoughts away from worry and the worst possible outcome to possibilities and the best possible outcome.  Every time you begin to worry about something STOP and make a mental list or write a list of all the good possibilities or options. Then take note of how much better you feel.

3. If you’re pleased with the results after doing this for a week, commit to do the same for 30 days.

4. Be aware of any of the good results you get in your life and write them all in a small notebook.

5. Now, make a commitment to yourself to break the worry habit for good.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this. http://lifecoachmari.com/

Mari

Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
http://lifecoachmari.com/

Me Time for Moms

As mothers we want what’s best for our children and may feel guilty when we think of taking time for ourselves. This may leave us burned out, with little to give.

I tell my clients to carve out some quiet time every day.  They roll their eyes saying they don’t have even one minute to spare. That may be true.

You look at your long list of tasks each morning intending to get everything done. By the time dinner is being cleared off the table, you’re ready to fall into bed exhausted even though there may be tasks undone. You either push past your exhaustion to do them or add them to tomorrow’s list.

I remember feeling as if I was on a merry-go-round and didn’t know how to get off.

What I found was that I needed to put gas in my engine before trying to put any into others. Do we drive our car until it’s empty of gas and then insist it continue to run?

Why would we do that to ourselves?

We must take time to refuel. Take time for appreciation, for pondering or meditation. Time for just US.

If you need to fuel your tank I suggest the following:

1. Decide where you can carve out 20 minutes a day for quiet time. This can be any time of day that suits you. For me it’s first thing in the morning before the phone starts ringing.

2. Create a place for yourself in your home where you are comfortable,relaxed and can go for your quiet time.

3. Make a commitment to yourself that you will keep that time as sacred. Forget about chores and don’t take phone calls.

4. Explain to your children or spouse about your quiet and ask them to honor it by not interrupting you. If you have babies, you could schedule the time while they nap or when someone else is home to care for them.

5. What you do during your quiet time is not as important as the fact that it nourishes you. You could write in a journal, or meditate. You may chose to read a novel or magazine. If you’re artistic, you might draw or paint. Or, you can just sit and enjoy the beauty around you. Give yourself a mental break from the responsibilities in your life so that you can refuel your ta

 I’d love to hear from those of you who tried this. Email me at mari@lifecoachmari.com

Mari
Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
http://lifecoachmari.com/