Do You Complain Too Much? Minimize complaining and compound the joy in your life.

If you're generally a happy person like myself you might believe you don't complain much. That's what I certainly thought until I began reading "The Power" by Rhonda Byrne.  She mentioned how focusing on all the many frustrating or annoying things that daily irritate us affects our mood and ultimately our life.

As I pondered her words I took stock of how many complaints uttered from my mouth each day and how many more only took the form of thoughts. The total was alarming.

Comments such as "Is that driver crazy? They need to get off the road" "He's such a nag" "I'm so stupid"  "Why does this always happen to me? ""It's SOOO hot" (This one I found myself saying and thinking endless times each day) "I can't believe this traffic." "I'm already late" I'm so fat"  "Who do they think they are?" "I'm sick of this" "My back is killing me" "Damn you"  "What the F------k"

Sound familiar? I could go on for pages, but will spare you.

Those are a small example of typical daily comments and complaints or thoughts. Each and every one of them brings a negative feeling. Do an experiment. Take a moment to repeat any of the above phrases to yourself or a negative phrase of your own.

How do you feel?   I feel angry, irate, anxious, nervous, unhappy. I feel BAD.

That's the end result of any of these or similar thoughts or comments.

Now, what if we replaced those thought or comment with positive ones?

"What a beautiful sunny day!" "I'm leaving early and giving myself extra time to get there" "I will allow nothing to bother me today." "I made a mistake, but I'm going to take it as a learning experience." "I don't like this, so I'm going to do something about it." "I'm excited to start my day." "I expect the best possible outcome." It's a great day." "I'm really enjoying myself."

Do the experiment again. Take a moment to repeat any of the above positive phrases or your own similar ones to yourself.

How do you feel?  I feel happy, excited, encouraged, passionate. I feel GOOD.

I'm not talking about a Pollyanna attitude of everything is just okey-dokey. (Yes it's a word I looked it up) I'm talking about awareness of our focus. Is our daily focus primarily on what's going wrong is our life or is it on what's going right?

As long we complaining about what's going wrong or what might go wrong,  we are bringing more negative energy into our life. We feel BAD more than we feel good.

If instead we are thinking and speaking primarily about what's going right, or can go right, we are bringing more positive energy into our life. We feel GOOD more than we feel bad.

So, how do stop complaining in our minds and verbally?

By first by being aware and second by replacing complaining with something positive.

For example:

Thought: "It's so hot. I can't stand the heat." This thought brings negative energy accompanied by bad feeling. (and sweating!)

Change it to: "It's a hot day. That's what living in Florida is about though. I'd better run my errands early in the day or later tonight and stay in the air conditioning this afternoon." This thought is on a positive note with a solution and accompanied by a good feeling.

I've been working on reducing my complaining both verbally and in my thoughts for several weeks. I cannot say I have zero complaints. (Not even close) However, I am more aware of the litany of complaints that come to my mind and sometime out of my mouth and I'm following steps to dip the scales towards less complaining and more positive feeling.

Here are actions steps for minimizing complaining in your life:

1. Consciously pay attention to the complaints you both utter and think about. Write them down in a notebook.

2. Take each complaint that is recurring and write a positive phrase that could replace it. Much like I did with "It's so hot" above.

3. Practice replacing your verbal complaint or thought with the new positive phrase.

4. Practice replacing your verbal complaint or thought with the new positive phrase.

5. Practice replacing your verbal complaint or thought with the new positive phrase.

4 and 5 are not typos. Practice, practice, practice is the only way to change this pattern and bring more joy into your life.

I'll be practicing this every day. I hope you will also.

By the way. I've having a lovely day today and hope you are too.

Mari
Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
http://lifecoachmari.com/

Entitled or Deserving?

One definition of entitlement is: belief that one is deserving of or entitled to certain privileges.

When you begin to think in terms of  "I'm entitled to... " These type of phrases come to mind:

I have the right to... I deserve to.... My boss must... The government owes me...

Entitlement is based on "By law, this is my right."

Deserving is a completely different term.

One definition of deserving reads: Worthy of being treated in a particular way.

When you begin to think in terms of "I'm worthy of..." These type of phrases come to mind:

I am worth it... I am valuable... I expect the best.. I accept only the best treatment from others.

I want you to read the phrases connected with entitlement again. How do you feel when you read them?

I feel almost angry. Each phrase brings a harshness and a negative feeling with it.

How about when you read the phrases connected with deserving?

There's a softness in my heart when I read those words. They bring good, positive feelings

That's the key to the difference between entitlement and deserving. When we begin to feel entitled, we bring negative feelings into ourselves. When we focus on being deserving, we attract positive feelings.

What's so bad about negative feeling? They don't feel good. I know that sounds so simplistic it's almost stupid, but think about it for a moment. Do you want to feel good or do you want to feel bad?

If you want to feel bad, keep focusing on being entitled and all the negative energy that brings into your life.

If you want to feel good, focus on being deserving and all the positive energy that brings into your life.

I for one intend to focus on being deserving because when I feel I'm worth it, I'm valuable and I expect the best in my life, the best shows up.

Mari
Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
http://lifecoachmari.com/

From zero to catastrophe in 30 seconds

“Worry is using your imagination to create what you don’t want” Abraham-Hicks

From the time we were born we’ve had an imagination. As a child we used our imagination to become a princess, an astronaut, a rock star, or to turn a playground into a castle, a spaceship or a concert stage. There was no limit to what we could imagine ourselves having, doing or being.

Some adults were amused by our playacting, while others attempted to bring us “back down to earth” by sharing their opinions of the real word and the realities of life. “You’re not talented enough to be a rock star, it’s unrealistic for you to dream about being an astronaut, and princesses no longer exist.” (Tell that to Kate Middleton).

We would probably continue in our play ignoring what the adults said.

Fast forward a few years and we’re in middle school, or junior high as they called it where I came from. We still held some dreams intact, but we had begin used our imagination for WORRY. Everyone worried, our parents, our teachers, our coaches, it was necessary to be successful. We HAD to worry about assignments, reports, test scores, grades and about what everyone else thought about us.

We began using our imagination to focus on all that could possible go wrong: What if I fail the test.? What if I get a pimple the day of my date? What if no one at school likes me?

And, not only did we ask ourselves the questions, but we also created elaborate scenarios in our mind, complete with detailed dialogue about the worse that could happen in any given situation.

We went from zero to catastrophe in 30 seconds.

We still do.

Except now the stakes are higher. What if I lose my job? What if I can’t pay my rent or mortgage? What if my spouse wants a divorce? What if my business fails? What if the government stops sending me my social security check? What if I get sick? What if a hurricane comes?

That’s using our imagination to create what we don’t want.

Mark Twain said “I am a very old man and have suffered a great many misfortunes, most of which never happened.”  He was talking about using our imaginations to predict the worse for ourselves and others and of the suffering we go through because of this. He was also saying that the suffering he went through was needless. It was all in his imagination.

He was right. We suffer needlessly when we worry about things that have not occurred and may never occur in our lives. We fill our days with the habit of worry.

I call worry a habit because it can be stopped, if we want to stop it. Stopping the worry habit is very simple. I can attest to that. But, it’s not easy. It takes practice, it takes focus and it takes self-control. It takes controlling your mind and focusing it AWAY from the habit of looking for the possible problems or worst possible outcome and turning it TOWARDS the possible solutions or the best possible outcome.

Worry is destructive; because it takes away the creative energy we can be using to improve our life and replaces it with stress. And we all know what stress does to you.

Are you ready to break the worry habit?

Actions steps:

1. Pick any subject of your choice. Then think of all the possible things that could go WRONG and what the worst possible outcome could be. How do you feel after that thought pattern? Probably pretty lousy.

Pick the same subject and brainstorm all the possible things that could go right and what the BEST outcome could be. Now, how do you feel? Much better, I hope.

                                                                                                                        

2. Commit to one week of turning your thoughts away from worry and the worst possible outcome to possibilities and the best possible outcome.  Every time you begin to worry about something STOP and make a mental list or write a list of all the good possibilities or options. Then take note of how much better you feel.

3. If you’re pleased with the results after doing this for a week, commit to do the same for 30 days.

4. Be aware of any of the good results you get in your life and write them all in a small notebook.

5. Now, make a commitment to yourself to break the worry habit for good.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this. http://lifecoachmari.com/

Mari

Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
http://lifecoachmari.com/