Who Are You Trying Please?

My father used to say “Since you can’t please everyone, you might as well please yourself.”  I remember he and my mom would throw parties for over forty people and they always heard back negative comments about the food or drink. He had learned, the hard way, that no matter what you do, there’s always someone who complains. Even if fifty people are happy with your actions, there will still be that one you can never please. That was long before the song “Garden Party” by Ricky Nelson came out which says the same thing. Very wise advice.  However, I didn’t take it.

Like so many others, I spent much of my life being a people pleaser. The rationalization was that if I was nice, they would like me, be my friend and that would prove to the world what a good person I was.

The problem with this belief system is, when we spend so much effort doing what make others happy at the expense of what make us happy we end up with a very unsatisfying, unfulfilled and not to mention, unhappy life.

I was miserable, but VERY VERY nice. I was careful never to offend anyone by disagreeing with them, sharing my point of view or insisting we go someplace I preferred. No rocking the boat for me. I might fall out and then I’d be all alone.

As I achieved more and more personal growth, the realization came to me that I was going about things backwards. How could I bring any joy or happiness to anyone else’s life if I wasn’t happy? So, I changed my mind, deciding my happiness was the most important thing and from this joy, I would enhance the life of those around me. It worked, my life began to change for the better and now it’s filled with people I love, a career I’m passionate about and so much joy.

As we wind down to the end of 2011, I encourage you to set aside some time and think about what makes YOU happy.

1. Note two or three thing you’ve always wanted to do, but never made time for.
2. Ponder what you really enjoy doing, that you’ve put aside.
3. Notice how many things or activities you’re involved in that you don’t really ejoy at all.
4. Make a plan to purposefully go after what make you happy in 2012.

May your holidays be wonderful and filled with unending blessings.

I specialize in helping people bring the joy back into their lives. If you’d like more information please visit my website.

Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC
Certified Professional Coach
mari@lifecoachmari.com
http://lifecoachmari.com/ 

Simple Ways to Cut Stress

We hurry around trying to accomplish everything we’ve committed ourselves to, packing as much as possible into our schedules as we plummet through the day.  Pushing ourselves to get from place to place on time while looking professional and in control is exhausting. The stress not only shows on our face, but more importantly affects our bodies. Backaches, headaches, high blood pressure can all be symptoms of our stressful days.

“But I have no choice”, my clients tell me.  “Everyone depends on me. If I don’t do it myself it won’t get done right” That may be true. However, having too much to do and not enough time is OUR choice.

We choose to make everyone and everything else more important than our health and wellbeing by agreeing to give rides, volunteering, attending every party or function.  There is nothing wrong with helping people or volunteering. Both are admirable. However, unless we take time for doing what makes us happy we are heading for unbalance in our lives. We all have responsibilities, but running around without filling ourselves back up is like driving your car when it’s out of oil. It will run, but eventually the engine will be ruined.

Here are four simple ways to cut stress.

1. Give yourself extra time to get your destination. Trying to get as much as possible done before going out the door, leaving just enough time to get to your destination is extremely stressful.  Any delay will make you late.  Being late is nothing compared to the stress you feel on the way and how harried you feel when you arrive. I’ve started leaving 15-20 minutes earlier than necessary and find myself feeling more relaxed.

2. Cut your to-do list to 5 items. This might sound crazy, but try it for week. Pick the 5 most important things to accomplish each day and DO them. Just looking at my old to-do of 15 or more items stressed me out.  By cutting it back to 5 tasks, I get done what’s absolutely necessary and feel such a sense of accomplishment I often do several more.

3. Limit your outings or parties to one per day. I’ve been doing this for years and it really reduces your stress. When my children, husband or I are invited to more than one event per day we chose one. No more running around town trying to get to several events in one day.

4. Hone your “no”. It’s perfectly okay to say no. You can turn down invitations, say no to your children when they want to go to the store, refuse to work late, say no thanks to another committee, not volunteer for the bake sale, decline staying up later than you want.

Saying no when necessary is saying yes to you.

Limiting stress is your choice. I hope you choose balance over stress.

Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC

Certified Professional Coach

http://lifecoachmari.com/